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Confessions of an Abused

It was 24 April 2003 and 28 Dec 2010 when I left my home forever twice. I do not know what I was thinking but I knew in my heart of hearts that it is the right thing to do for me. And till today – 09 October 2021 – I wrote several diary entries about my life. I wrote when I was happy. I wrote when I was feeling low. I wrote when life sprung memories of my life with my family members. I wrote after I cried, after an emotionally draining day. I wrote about my love for you. My parents. My kids. My birthing experience. My divorce. My confessions of love. My pain. My joys. My loss. And every time I wrote, it was about me and my perception of the emotions. I just realized that I never ever wrote about the various forms of abuse I went through. It was physical and emotional – both. I think it scarred me so much that I never wrote about it. I spoke to my friends at times. I remember speaking about it to random acquaintances too. I told my then boyfriend-now husband too. But I know I ha...
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Life is Fair

You could have: Stayed a little longer Loved a little harder Argued a little softer You needn't have: Hurt my heart so quicker Washed my feelings so easier Bruised my skin so paler I wish I would have: Understood you a little sooner Recognized you a little clearer Caught you a littler earlier But then life wouldn't have been so FAIRER .
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Should We?

If only we could understand our shortcomings If only we knew what lay behind that face If only we could read all that was said between words If only we could fast forward and see the road ahead If only we could understand the unreal world we were living in But what is the point? Had it not for it: We wouldn't have grown the way we did We wouldn't have learned to stay afloat in spite of all of it We wouldn't have our share to reflect upon But yes, the heart is broken into many pieces that can never heal Would we still have changed the path? What do you say? Should we?
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How to Deal with Problems/Issues

I have spoken about this topic in many posts here. This is a solution-oriented post where I have shared an approach that has worked for me. If you are dealing with something, I hope it may work for you too. Our body, the environment, the Universe is equipped to help us deal with issues in our everyday life. There are three factors that play a role while in the situation. Factor 1: External Factors External factors such as changing a city, coloring our hair, talking to friends may help deal with the issue. We can find our answers and move on. Factor 2: Internal Factors Our bodies, our thoughts help us. It motivates us to deal with the situation the right way. You push your body to perform, your mind to work, to find solutions. Factor 3: Go Blank There are other times when we just go blank with issues and situations. Nothing works. External factors don’t help. The push, the motivation, the strength is just isn’t left in us. We are emotionally, physically and mentally drained. There is ...
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This Year. That Day.

Can you re-live days? Yes. Can you re-live emotions? Yes. Can you re-live relationships? Yes. But, do they move your heart the same way as then? NO. Is it important that you remember? I think, yes. You should never forget where you started from. Be it a good experience or learning. Re-visiting helps. In many different ways. I have had a history with this day. A decision that I executed on this day changed my life. I stepped out of my parent's home to start living on my own. I eloped with a guy with whom. This step got me away from my family till date. I still do not speak with them and am not married to that guy anymore. Probably I can say a new life started for me at 22. Till date, I do not regret the decision. Yet for many years, I was an emotional wreck on this day. I would cry the entire day. I wouldn’t get out of my bed. I wouldn’t eat well. The pain of a broken marriage pierced me more than leaving my parents’ house. The pertinent question haunted me – Why Me? By the end of t...
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Diwali 2018

Diwali 2018 didn't start the way I had anticipated. Not much of expectations. Not many preparations. But it ended on a satisfactory note. So, it all started on October 1st when I had a fall at home, which turned out to be quite tedious. It's been more than a month now and I am still limping. It definitely demands a separate post (which will soon come up.) So, it didn't allow me to be in the best of spirits to enjoy the festival of lights. However, I managed to clean up and organize home a bit and delegated most part of the work to my two obedient listeners (B and M) at home who were kind enough to oblige. Being married into a Tam-Brahm household, I wasn't so appreciative of the fact that kind-souls gifted me a blouse-piece to mark my every visit or any function-attendance. But, trust me it comes handy during these times when I can't go out shopping. I had an orange saree lying from one such instance. Me being a saree-blouse lover tried sprucing things a bit...
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Blessing

Every night I may argue over the bed-space But when I wake up beside you, I feel – blessed Every day when you make that cup of tea No matter how tired you are or in a hurry, I feel – blessed Every time you appear after a frantic call from me However busy or occupied you are, I feel – blessed Every weekend when you take up tasks Be it household or for us, I feel – blessed Every time life happens to me Full of joy or sadness, or even if nothing, I feel - blessed Every day I may not tell you Every moment I may not think about you But on special days such as today I definitely want you to know that I feel – BLESSED Thank you for being there and walking this road with me.
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