A Woman in the Making

I know you will hunt me I know you will come for me But what you don't know is I am ever grateful to you I know you will break me I know you will stop me from being me But what you don't know is I am all because of you I know I am broke for a while I know I am stuck in this for life But what you don't know is I can't go out of style I know I can't stop you I know I can't ignore you But what you don't know is I only grow stronger because of you

Generally, I avoid animation movies or movies that show an imaginary world. Today, I was an accomplice (more out of not much choice there) to this movie ―Beauty and the Beast. I have no complaints about this movie, as it doesn't interest me; to pick one, it would be the music which triggered a headache. I wonder if Indians could tolerate so much music (opera kind of musical) in an Indian movie.  Never understood our love for the West  😲.  Somehow, I have never been in awe of such movies no matter if they are a Disney production or a Baahubali (I haven't watched it yet 😉) kind. I do not relate to such movies or any fairy tales whatsoever. I know I would be penalized for this, yet I stay ground.  It can be because growing up I never read any fairy tale. I was never introduced to that genre. Maybe my parents thought I should get real.  I never believed them. I lived in a 'real' world where everything was not so rosy. I knew of 'adjustments', the way of ...

Not much to share here today except for a few quotes that I am currently loving. Here they go! If a friend lasts longer than 7 years, then you are no longer called a friend. You all are a family.  Some people will only love you as much as they can use you. Their loyalty ends when benefits stop. (I so much relate to this.)  Never beg someone to be in your life. If you text, call, visit and still get ignored, walk away. It's called self-respect.  Ten years from now, make sure you can say that you chose your life, you didn't settle for it.  My absolute favourite: Behind every successful woman is HERSELF.  With this I sign off for the day. ☺ P.S. The quotes are from various sources on the Internet.

How much should a husband 'change' after his wedding? Have you ever heard a husband fret about his schedule going haywire after his wedding? Have you ever heard a husband crib about marriage as how it changed his life drastically? I am sure you all must have read or heard jokes being circulated regarding the wife being a nag. Where does it stem from? Doesn't marriage change the dynamics of both the partners? Is it only the wife who has to work around things to 'adjust' in the new family? Is the husband doing anything to make the wife comfortable? Is the husband standing up for the wife who is still new in the family? Is the husband giving the wife the respect and space for her to 'live' life?  Isn't it the husband's family's responsibility to make the girl comfortable? Shouldn't they spend time with her to understand her? Shouldn't they accept that cultures and dynamics differ in each family and the girl should be 'accepted' f...

I wrote this note on a Friday night when I was with myself. Even after so many years, I still empathize with this note. It is very precious to me. I may or may not agree to it, yet I relate to it in my heart of hearts.  I have felt lonely many times, but somehow I am liking this loneliness. I guess this is what I gifted myself. To enjoy some 'me' time. There is something missing. An evening dedicated to loneliness. How I wish I was not deceived. I enjoyed that phase of life. No wonder I want to visit that timeline again and again. Every little thing was taken care of: my likes, my dislikes, my necessities, my tantrums. Now, I do not experience that  deja vu  effect. Somehow I have started living with it. Yet a part of me longs for that togetherness. I wish you never treated me the way you did. Or rather I wish I never rose to the occasion. I couldn't stop you from treating me the way you did, but I could have stopped by protecting myself. Why did I want to live ...

I call this pondering as Sunday Sums. Calculations that has a definite answer. Questions that have a certain answer. Answers that are not subjective. Clear Cut Answer just as 2+2 is equal to 4. My today's question was: What makes me happy instantly? When I rewind, there are many moments that makes me smile. But being happy is not smiling. To start with, happiness had to be defined first. To me, happiness means the moment when you forget everything in and around you, and you light up from within. I do not know the exact dictionary meaning and I am not bothered too. I go by my own definitions. 😇 Now that happiness is defined, I have to think of what makes me happy INSTANTLY. Here, 'instantly' is a very important word. I can be happy after achieving something or when I am being appreciated. However, what makes me instantly happy? No matter what the situation is, where I am what time it is or what I am going through.  You will be surprised to know that I found my...

What do you do when you are all alone and have nothing planned for the day? I do quite a few things when I am in such a situation. 1. The first and foremost thing that comes to my mind is to catch up on sleep. I love my sleep. I can sleep at a stretch for 20 hours too. I don't compromise on sleep. 2. I read any book that I have been wanting to. Else, I re-read any book from my shelf that is light on me. I prefer a book in hand rather than an e-book, any day. 3. I watch songs. I love watching videos of the songs on YouTube. Songs that I have grown up watching and listening. Soulful else fun numbers. 4. I love retail therapy. I keep gazing at various shopping websites, add stuff to my cart, compare amongst various sites and finally close the browser. It gives me a high. I do not know why. 😈 5. If it is one of the gloomy days I write. Articulating my thoughts and experiences is something that I enjoy the most. I love to bring about a vulnerability to my writing or...

I do not know how is it to: 1. Lose an uncle who was very dear to me. He was the probably the first person who played with me during my childhood, who taught me the first letters of English: my first and only best friend till date. 2. Go through rejections in terms of being the girl child, to bring in bad luck in the family, to have been a dark skinned child, to have no interest in household chores, to not comply to the patriarchal way of life. 3. Feel helpless: Helpless while going through physical and mental abuse by people who were my so called 'family'. All these people broke my self worth, self respect, self confidence and finally myself. They tore my will and heart apart. 4. Miss a child: To not be able to feed, feel, pamper, bring-up your flesh and blood knowing that the child isn't even aware of his biological mother and to hear the child call you out as 'aunty'. 5. Be mistreated and ignored: To be treated as if you don't exist for them, yet b...

Today has been a hard day, in fact a trying day. Just when I was thinking that I am following a routine I get to face a turbulence.  I know if this has been thrown to me there must be a reason. I have never settled for less and going forward too I will never. But when you want to follow a set path, that's when life throws new challenges. I know it was disturbing but I am prepared for it. May be life wants to throw me into something more rewarding. It just wants me to explore myself a little more. And thankfully this time I know exactly what I have to do. Every time something like this turns up, I know my path is set and this is just a way to make me pursue it. A new journey. A new beginning. Eventually I would have taken up this, but life just wants me to dive-in right away. And I am all set. Zindagi, here I come!

Yesterday went to watch a new Hindi movie, Badrinath ki Dulhania. I was expecting a usual full on commercial Hindi entertainer. No doubt it was. However, it brought back certain long forgotten situations from my life. Most of it concerns Vaidehi, the female lead in the movie. Situation 1 Vaidehi: Vaidehi wants to start a salon. She wants to support her family. More than that she wants to become independent. Her only mistake was she wanted to partner with her boyfriend who cheats her big time. Vaidehi suffers on two grounds: the broken trust and her father’s lost savings. Bharathi: I used to take tuitions from my ninth grade and I wanted to start either my own tuition center or a salon, which was rare to see those days. I didn’t have a boyfriend but I wanted to start something on my own. My idea was rejected at the very first instance. It didn’t even reach the discussion or argument stage. How can a girl think of becoming an entrepreneur in her late teens? Am I not supposed ...

काश मुझमे वह हिम्मत होती  कि मैं आपके फैसलों को ना मानती  काश मुझमे वह हिम्मत होती  कि मैं आपका बगावत करती  काश मुझमे वह हिम्मत होती  कि मैं आपसे नज़रें मिलाती  काश मुझमे वह हिम्मत होती  कि मैं आपसे सवाल करती  काश मुझमे वह हिम्मत होती  कि आपको गलत साबित करती  काश मुझमे वह हिम्मत होती  कि आपके सामने चुप ना रहती  आज जो किया है वह बहुत पहले करती  आपको दूसरों कि नज़रों में गिरते ना देखती 

It seemed to be a usual day but never felt it to be this alarming. This friend of mine, I would like to name her as D, called me to tell that I treated her badly. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing though I wasn’t surprised it coming from D. I knew something was messy here. Let me give you an insight into D’s world. D is an emotional wreck who made some tough choices and burnt her fingers. I DO NOT judge her for that. In fact, I am proud of her for standing her ground. What I couldn’t comprehend was that she was slowly succumbing to societal pressures and therefore going through emotional turbulence. I completely understand the situation, as I have walked that path. What I couldn’t wrap my head around was why to give in to the norms! Why think that we need to take a defined path to sustain life! It was my bad too that I couldn’t pick my thoughts that everyone has a way to live life the way they want. If someone wants to give in and take the conventional path I should have ...

A photo post today. I can never get enough of this in this city, especially during early mornings. Hot Coffee in a Dabara I am not a fan of any other form of coffee, be it cappuccino or frappe. Do you too like it this way? Do let me know in the comments section.  Cheers Filter Kaapi!

Growing up, I never had an opportunity to travel by road. My father was with the Air Force. Being a mid-rank holder, there wasn’t much opportunity to splurge on vacations or travel―a second class ticket was all that we could afford. A visit to our native too was limited to special occasions such as someone’s wedding or if someone passed away. I do not remember any frequent trips in terms of a weekend getaway or vacation. In fact, I never knew there was such a concept. With times, drives got frequent and now shuttling between cities at the drop of a hat has become a norm. I did one such trip yesterday. One good thing about these drives is the family time that I get to enjoy. When we all are confined inside a car for a good number of hours there are lots to discuss and share. We laugh. We fight. We argue. We play games without any external influences (read gadgets or chores). I look forward to long drives for this amazing experience. Long drives also come with a picturesque vie...

A fact post about me. People know me for the fact that I hate cooking as an obligation. It is fun when I have to do it occasionally (read never). When I have to cook on an everyday basis I go nuts. I try to find ways how to escape it. I may fall sick on the very day. I find ways on how to thrust the responsibility on people at home. Poor ‘Me’ is the only person who bears the brunt of it. When there is no one to depend on, online apps come handy. I have all the apps under the world who cater in my city. The delivery boys recognize me. However, food is something that I am a little choosy about. I am the last person who would experiment with food. I almost always play it safe, oscillating between Indian and Continental. I am also very particular about the places from where we order in or dine. All my tantrums and preferences put together doesn’t give me or my people many options to choose from. I found a solution to this myriad task – engage a cook. It works for me as I ...

I read a beautiful movie quote some time back―Few things in life should be accepted without asking questions. Do I really believe in this? Did I ever think of it during the trying situations? Do I accept life without asking questions? What do you do in such circumstances? I do not know how you deal with it, but let me share an incident when I went with the flow. After my divorce, I was perpetually feeling low and helpless. I did not know what I should do next. I had resigned my job. I had no access to the internet or a smartphone. The days were so unlike now when you can ‘google’ your questions and find innumerable relevant and irrelevant answers online. I was finding answers to a lot of questions by just ‘thinking’. I was capable of boring anyone to death with my sob story. I just wanted someone to tell me what went wrong and why. I used to stay in a hostel where working girls were busy in their own life. I was particular that I wanted a single sharing room for I knew I ca...

Women’s Day just went by and I woke up to umpteen number of wishes on various platforms especially on WhatsApp. Off late, I have been aloof with social media or virtual interactions (I shall talk about it in a post soon). Hence, when I received so many messages I was quite surprised that people still remember me. I am grateful to them and thank them for the wishes. However, my women’s day wish arrived earlier that week. I had a cook with me for about a year before I shifted cities. A lady in early 30s with two teenage kids (she married quite early), her parents and a jobless husband, was extremely dedicated to her job. She used to walk 2-3 km every day to work in multiple houses with a broad smile always. I never heard her complain. Also, I do not remember a single day when she skipped work without prior notice. Personally, I was and am extremely fond of her. Apparently even after shifting cities, I have been in touch with her, and so is she to check on me and my daughter (wh...

There are too many things that we complicate in our lives. I feel there are ways in which we can reduce our burden. However, we don’t do so. One among them is car driving. I had been riding my bike past 12 years and I was more than happy with that. Driving a four-wheeler was not on my priority list till about last year when I suffered severe back ache. I tried learning to drive before. However, I gave up after I hit a tender coconut stall early in the morning (The damage wasn’t that bad, though.) After I felt I have become wise with age and time, I again started my quest to learn driving. I started my practice sessions with ‘Me’ again. This time mid-afternoon. The Accelerator, Brake and Clutch (ABCs) mechanism of the car along with the six gear options were as hard to comprehend as the chemical formulas in the higher secondary. Every time I had to change gears (as reminded by ‘Me’) I couldn’t recall the last gear used. Hence, concentrating all the time on the gear box than on...

It has been long since I have been here; too much happening in the personal and professional front that I couldn’t keep pace with the world. Last year had been a roller-coaster ride, a literal one. I went through something that changed the course of my life in a big way. My way of living or thoughts is no more the same, as when I was last here. I think it will reflect in my writings too. This reminds me that to make up for the missing months I come here with a blog marathon, starting today, 30 posts in the next 30 days. Hope it rejuvenates my thoughts and writings. I have never done a blog marathon before, but I want to take this as a challenge. And for a record, I am doing this along with one of my blogger friend. Let’s see if we can accomplish this feat together. Wish me luck! In this happy mood, see you tomorrow. J