My Most Re-Visited Note (Post No.15)

I wrote this note on a Friday night when I was with myself. Even after so many years, I still empathize with this note. It is very precious to me. I may or may not agree to it, yet I relate to it in my heart of hearts. 

I have felt lonely many times, but somehow I am liking this loneliness. I guess this is what I gifted myself. To enjoy some 'me' time. There is something missing. An evening dedicated to loneliness. How I wish I was not deceived. I enjoyed that phase of life. No wonder I want to visit that timeline again and again. Every little thing was taken care of: my likes, my dislikes, my necessities, my tantrums. Now, I do not experience that deja vu effect. Somehow I have started living with it. Yet a part of me longs for that togetherness. I wish you never treated me the way you did. Or rather I wish I never rose to the occasion. I couldn't stop you from treating me the way you did, but I could have stopped by protecting myself. Why did I want to live a life free of your mental torture? Why did I not get used to the mental pressure? Maybe, I should have.

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